Skip to main content

I Feel Better

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. (Mt 18:21-22)

Have you seriously tried that?

Which time did that insult spat from careless lips sit right with you? Number forty? Number two-hundred and twenty nine?

Speaking from my own experience, it gets harder and more painful each time, not easier, until hearing the same person make the same negative remark becomes too much, and I start to wonder at what point is God going to step in and make them stop?

Am I supposed to sit there and take this again and again, my heart being ripped further and further to shreds each time? Pounding and pounding, each blow making that place inside a little more tender than it was. And me more afraid it won't stop. That it'll happen again. Unpredictable.

Me always on my toes, head turned, eye squinched, waiting for those words to hit me because I know there's more out there.

Never able to relax. Never able to breathe.

Seventy times seven is too long, Lord! I can't do it!

And don't you judge me, you sitting there in your peaceful room, you spouting out how, "the Lord won't give me more than I can bear." As if that's comforting.

Gee, thanks, I feel better.

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. (Gal 6:2)

You know who helps me the most in moments like that? The person who said they understood, that all the emotion and discouragement I have is exactly how it really is, and I don't have to deny I feel that way.

That I can cry, and they won't feel any worse about me. That they've been in my shoes, reacted exactly how I did, and somehow managed to get up and walk again.That person lifted my burden way more than the clear-skinned saint.

They helped me know I'm not alone. Know that when I hit rock bottom someone will take my hand, feel my pain and pray.

Thinking on this further, what if I can be that person? What if when you are hurting, I can sit with you in that puddle of despair, instead of peddling advice from my easy chair? What if I'm not afraid to get a little dirt on me in the process?

For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. (Heb 4:15)

Jesus wasn't. He touched lepers, ate dinner with outcasts, protected a woman taken in adultery, let another clean his feet with her hair. He spoke with Samaritans, children, demoniacs.

He slogged through the trenches, getting more and more muck on his shoes, unafraid of the consequences of feeling our hurt.

Shouldn't I follow that example? Shouldn't you?

Maybe you're the person who keeps tossing out the insult. Maybe you're the one who places someone into the pit of depression. If so, wake up and shut up.

Jesus never did that either.

His was the ultimate life of love concluded with the ultimate act of love for the person who most needed love, and that's how we should be.

Not holier than thou, but exactly like thou.

And when all is said and done, exactly like Him. I don't know about you, but that makes me feel better.

Suzanne D. Williams


  1. Awesomeness. I love your post. It is something I wish I had written in my blog, I want to be on the edge, too. I WAS that outcast, that wretched woman who needed Jesus so desperately. He rescued me from that life and I have been overwhelmed by it for many years. I want to tell others that there is hope. That they can be set free! I will follow your blog and perhaps someday the Holy Spirit will give me the words for a book. Thank you for being here!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Book Spotlight - Imperfect Cowboy by Suzanne D. Williams

Cowboy, Gray Sterret, accepted the job at Alabama McCall's ranch unprepared for the scope of the work. The barn is full of swallows, the bunk house crumbling, a mile of fencing down, and her driveway washed in.
Worse, she's naïve and innocent, things he's not. He's made big mistakes, and she deserves so much better than a man like him.

When time together and body heat result in one night together, his self-destruction hits rock bottom. For every bad action he's made, he'll reap ten in return, and no one can fix him. Not two little girls struck by sudden tragedy. Not the beautiful woman with the key to his heart.

A faith-searching story of inward struggle by best-selling author, co-creator of THE EDGE, SUZANNE D. WILLIAMS.


Gray’s frustrations rushed out, and he whirled, releasing a grunt. He trailed his gaze around the dilapidated farm. As she’d said, this wasn’t a ranch. It was a house on a few untended acres with a handful of neglected animals and a …

Book Spotlight - Fifty Shades of Faithful by Mary C. Findley

Sam and Vivian Tucker are not exactly conventional Christian marriage counselors. But they do have some life experience with "Song of Solomon marriage". These short stories mix suspense, humor, and romance with advice on relationship troubles. Adultery, bondage, spouse abuse, "things we don't talk about," sibling conflict, and why marriage is a good idea even if you're busy rescuing trafficked children.
There is no graphic or explicit content in this book, but there are some eyebrow-raising bits of advice about trust and honesty, playful communication to create desire, and gentle roleplaying within marriage.

Cowboys and Indians Punching Bag Happily Ever After A Garden Locked Up Family Package EXCERPT:  Tim called his father’s cell phone. “Dad, I have got to talk to you,” he said.
“Son, I’ve been meaning to call you,” his father said uneasily. “We’ve been really busy. Sandy has disappeared.”
“She’s what?” Tim demanded.
“There was a woman who visited ou…

Book Spotlight - Saving Private Benjamin by Cynthia P. Willow

When Jillian Farmer meets Carly Foreman in the pediatrician’s office, she has no idea how her life is about to be forever changed. After tragedy strikes, Jillian feels led to help a motherless child, but not everyone appreciates her help, and Jillian is soon put in the middle of a family feud. Jillian only wants what’s best for Ben, the child she quickly grows to love as her own, but will she make an objective decision, or will her own feelings get in the way of doing what is right?
It seemed like the traffic light would stay red forever. All Carly wanted to do was get home with Ben as quickly as possible. She hated vaccinations, but she knew they were necessary for her baby.
“It’s okay, little Ben. Mama’s going to have you home in five minutes…if this light will ever turn…finally! Here we go!”
Carly lifted her foot off the brake and placed it on the accelerator. She only lived a couple of miles from the pediatrician’s office. They’d be home in no time, except she…